Watching Sausages

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Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Otto von Bismarck said, “Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.” Sausages? We would have loved to have seen some sausages. We would have killed for sausages. As any Wisconsin boy can tell you, sausages cooked indirectly over mesquite coals until crispy blistered, then slathered with Stadium Sauce and nestled in butter- grilled buns under a layer of fried onions can taste pretty darn yummy.

tea party hate fear
Cartoon by Pat Bagley – Salt Lake Tribune (click to purchase)

What we got was cut-rate, irate hot dogs. The ugly spectacle of Congressional wieners pummeling each other over health care was as appetizing as mixing snail guts and lizard tripe and cephalopod eyeballs with sour cream and yellow food dye then serving it on a fungus-covered bark chip. And no, I’m not talking about the spinach dip at The Olive Garden.

This isn’t a “pox on both their houses” deal either. Like psychic vultures sensing imminent putrefaction, Republicans amplified their pontificating protestations to a high- pitched squeal; piercing enough to annoy canines all across this great Northern Hemisphere of ours. In the throes of a pseudo-religious ecstasy, one Texas Republican chummed the waters by calling a Michigan Democrat “Baby Killer” on the floor of the House, frenzying his posse of nitwit accomplices into hurling the N-word, the F-word, half a dozen bricks, a handful of death threats, several mouths full of red hot spittle, gum wrappers, a jewel encrusted black ceramic bird (the stuff that dreams are made of, two faxed nooses and possibly a bullet.

The conservative party-line claimed their Neanderthals were simply playing catch-up to the health care proponents’ lead-mitten handling of the issue, and they suggested Democrats kill the bill to quell the rising tempers. That’s right. Fan the flames of stupidity then blame the other side for the scorching climate (different from global warming). If Republican gall were congealable, we could dam the Caribbean.

And it’s STILL not over. To say the GOP is not taking this defeat lying down is like saying freeze-dried mustard clumps make for substandard Q-Tips. Within 10 minutes of the president signing the bill, a deluge of 14 state legislatures began to challenge the bill’s constitutionality. And you wonder why getting anything done in this country is like trying to shovel sand with a pitchfork.

Republicans vowed to go down swinging, and they’re probably not talking about hiking the Appalachian Trail with each other’s wives. Let’s be frank: not a single member of the minority voted for the health care bill. Not one. That’s not a political party, that’s the Borg. “RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.” The reanimated Halloween pumpkin that is Sen. Mitch McConnell remains determined to continue the construction of his cement wall of obstructionism turning “The Party of No” into “The Party of Hell No,” veering dangerously close to “The Party of Screw You!”

People may mock Obama for his Messianic glaze, but you got to relish this resurrection of health care which makes Lazarus risen look like a third-grade magician’s trick. Focus a telescope and you can make out the scuff marks on the bill’s knees from where it climbed out of the morgue drawer. Maybe now we should try handing the president seven loaves and seven fishes and see what he does with that. Or better yet, seven loaves and seven sausages.

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Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who writes sometimes, this being an example. His new CD, “Raging Moderate,” released this week from Stand-Up Records, is available both on ITunes and Amazon. And don’t forget, he’s hosting Showtime’s “The Green Collar Comedy Show” on Thursday, April 22 at 9 p.m.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.


Comments

9 responses to “Watching Sausages”

  1. Cantor Avatar
    Cantor

    "That’s right. Fan the flames of stupidity then blame the other side for the scorching climate (different from global warming). If Republican gall were congealable, we could dam the Caribbean."

    Will nailed that one. But with their denial of man made elements of global warming, they will damn the Earth, instead.

    The global climate is shifting rapidly and it has a direct manmade cause that is far, far in excess of any natural shift or process. Among the vast majority of reputable scientists around the world, this conclusion is undeniable, irrefutable and inescapable.

    The damage we are doing to our planet will only become more evident over time. But that doesn't stop the ignorant from voicing their doubt on blogs. If we are short sighted enough to let this kind of random vacuous chatter deter us from making the necessary changes of how we live on this planet, perhaps we deserve everything we're going to get.

  2. ArtW Avatar
    ArtW

    Cantor: "The global climate is shifting rapidly and it has a direct manmade cause that is far, far in excess of any natural shift or process. Among the vast majority of reputable scientists around the world, this conclusion is undeniable, irrefutable and inescapable."

    You seem to be about a year behind the times and really should catch up. The planet was warming and is now in a cooling phase.Scientists are hopeful that it isn't the start of the next mini ice-age (which would be far, far worse than continual warming). The famed (now infamous) climatologists of the CRU have not only been found to have 'fudged' the data – but deleted the raw dat outright rather than turn it over for review.

    The conclusion you come to, which you say is "undeniable, irrefutable and inescapable" . . . actually is.

    And, by the way, because some of your libtard friends get all wet and sticky when someone copies/pastes to these boards – I'd just like to warn that when you do so . . . please remember to site your source, lest Geoff turn on you and accuse you of plagiarism. Your quote above came from an ABC blog (http://blogs.abcnews.com/.m/scienceandsociety/2010/01/climate-change-2009-second-warmest-year-on-record/comments/).

  3. Connor Avatar
    Connor

    Honeybunny, that quote from abc news was me. LOL.

  4. geoff Avatar

    ArtW: "The planet was warming and is now in a cooling phase." Really? Cal says it's been cooling since 1998, but otherwise that's the first I've heard about it. That would explain why last year was the 2nd hottest in history, and the warmest on record in the southern hemisphere? Because it's getting cooler?

    And it wasn't a question of review, Art: it was a question of compliance with Britain's FOIA.

  5. robert Avatar
    robert

    @ geoff – Climate changes, it will always change. The current question is whether man-made CO2 in the last few decades is causing any global warming. There is no proof of that.

  6. SeaChris Avatar
    SeaChris

    The discussion is immediately hurled into global warming.

    It being the one issue upon which the modern conservative movement does not look like a bunch of howler monkeys throwing feces at the glass (courtesy of the fact that some climate scientists apparently don't know how to use a firewall, let alone validate their data).

    The overall temperature goes up over the course of 50 years, but because it's gotten cooler for 4 years, the idea of global warming is debunked? 4 for 50 is a batting average of .080; which means there is no joy in Mudville because Mighty Casey is going back to the minors.

    The Earth's climate is much like the stock market in that it oscillates between highs and lows, but goes up overall. ie, the current recession peaked when the stock market fell to ~6500 on the Dow. Meanwhile, the 1990 recession saw the Dow Jones drop from 3000-2000. A drop to 6500 at that time seemed laughable.

    So it might be with the Earth's temp.

    So please don't write off climate-change because some dipsticks in Scotland got caught up in the politics over the data.

  7. OMG! Avatar
    OMG!

    " Maybe now we should try handing the president seven loaves and seven fishes and see what he does with that. Or better yet, seven loaves and seven sausages."

    And this is what you get. A limp, apathetic, lethargic society.

    http://www.themoscowtimes.com/columns/1328/articl

    Kremlin Misreading Latest Round of Protests

    24 March 2010

    By Paul Goble

    About this column

    Window on Eurasia covers current events in Russia and the nations of the former Soviet Union, with a focus on issues of ethnicity and religion. The issues covered are often not those written about on the front pages of newspapers. Instead, the articles in the Windows series focus on those issues that either have not been much discussed or provide an approach to stories that have been. Frequent topics include civil rights, radicalism, Russian Islam, the Russian Orthodox Church, and events in the North Caucasus, among others.

    Author Paul Goble is a longtime specialist on ethnic and religious questions in Eurasia. Most recently, he was director of research and publications at the Azerbaijan Diplomatic Academy. He has served in various capacities in the U.S. State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency and the International Broadcasting Bureau as well as at the Voice of America and Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty and at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. He writes frequently on ethnic and religious issues and has edited five volumes on ethnicity and religion in the former Soviet space.

    VIENNA — Officials in Moscow are misreading last weekend’s protests, viewing the relatively small size of the demonstrations as evidence that the population is “satisfied” with its situation rather than understanding that any decline in popular participation reflects the increasing “alienation” of the people and government.

    That is the conclusion offered by the editors of Nezavisimaya Gazeta in a lead article published on Tuesday. And they add that unless Moscow understands this reality and unless the government takes steps to overcome this “alienation,” Russia’s future will be anything but bright.

    Most Russian commentary on the protests has focused on the relatively small size of the demonstrations, and using that facet of the situation alone, the editors say, the powers that be have concluded that the citizens are “satisfied,” that the government’s policies are working and that the tandem power structure shared by President Dmitry Medvedev and Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is a success.

    In the same vein, the commentaries have insisted and the powers that be have assumed that the Russian people are turning away from the opposition because of “the correct course of United Russia, which is firmly marching forward toward the parliamentary elections despite the petty snares of [its] political opponents.”

    But a closer examination of the situation, Nezavisimaya Gazeta’s editors say, points in a different direction. Unemployment has risen, not fallen, and the government’s programs to deal with the problem of single-industry towns like Pikalyovo are not working. More and more groups, including pensioners, are suffering from rising prices.

    The commentaries, and, it should be said, Nezavisimaya Gazeta as well, put little stress on the efforts the powers that be made to keep the size of protests down, not only hacking the web site coordinating the various protests but also limiting media coverage of them and using the siloviki to disrupt the activities of organizers and protesters themselves.

    At the same time, neither the commentaries that Nezavisimaya Gazeta refers to nor that paper itself mention one of the most potentially significant aspects of last weekend’s protests: They took place in 50 cities at once, perhaps the largest coordinated effort within the Russian Federation ever.

    The editors of Nezavisimaya Gazeta focus on the following reality: “People are not hurrying to go into the streets” despite their deteriorating situation, and they “are not demanding anything from the government.” The reason why, the editors say, is that “people simply do not believe that the government can help them.”

    Over the last two decades at least, “those taking part in meetings have always appealed to the powers that be. [But] today Russians understand just how useful an activity that is,” even when it involves something as “innocent” as “the defense of one of the paragraphs” of the country’s Constitution.

    Russian citizens now, the paper continues, “have selected another path. Now, they dream only about a situation in which the powers that be will leave them in peace and not interfere. And then people with their own efforts will begin to construct around themselves an infrastructure of survival.” With petty bribes if needed, the paper says, but on their own.

    The real situation in Russia becomes obvious if one contrasts the country with the United States. On Sunday, the U.S. Congress voted for the reform of health care, following “a hot discussion” that reflected an awareness among the American people that this measure would affect each one of them.

    “What problem of state importance would be capable of awakening [such] civic feelings in the population of Russia?” the paper asks. “The construction of a nanocity? Conservative modernization?” Certainly not those ideas, it suggests, arguing that “the powers that be also are living their own lives,” largely out of touch with the rest of the population.

    And that means that the real problem Russia faces is the failure of any feedback loop “between society and the powers that be.” As a result, “mutual distrust is growing,” with some in the government wary of an Orange Revolution-type scenario and much of the population becoming ever less willing to “connect with the powers that be for the solution of problems.”

    “It is difficult to plan the future of a country,” the paper says, without knowing the desires of the people. “And it is impossible to carry out reforms without operating on the conscious desire of the citizens to participate in them.” Tragically, the population of Russia is increasingly convinced that “everything the powers that be do is intended to benefit only themselves.”

    Last weekend’s protests, their small size in many places notwithstanding, shows that “the powers that be have build up a debt to the citizens.” Overcoming this “alienation” will require that those in positions of power take “concrete steps to meet society” — not simply the establishment of more “councils” or “chambers.”

    It is far from clear whether the powers that be understand any of this, but unless they stop misinterpreting the social scene in Russia and recognize just how alienated the people are from themselves, it is unlikely that they will take any of the right steps. Instead, it is probable that the alienation now on display will intensify.

  8. geoff Avatar
    geoff

    robert: there is lots of proof and it's been about the past 300 years (since the start of the industrial revolution), not just the past few decades.

  9. Cal Avatar
    Cal

    SeaChris. I take back anything complimentary I may have recently said. The howling feces thing was way over the top—the kind of thing I’d expect from young Cantor. If you want to maintain any sort of credibility that ain’t the way to do it. You weren’t by chance referring to Hillary’s screed when she screamed, “I am sick and tired of being told that if you disagree with this administration…” were you?

    Global temperatures have risen higher than they are now several times before. You may be aware there were no SUVs running around then or coal-fired plants spewing noxious gases into the atmosphere. You may also know that temperature increases PRECEDED the increases in CO2, not the other way around. CO2 is also a trace gas and is not nearly as dangerous as supporters of warming have led us to believe. They've even had to publicly admit that recently.

    Anyone not cheerleading for drastic political changes like cap and trade can evaluate the “science” for themselves and arrive at the conclusion that it doesn’t match what the likes of Al Gore have been telling us. The recent email leaks and revelations that data was manipulated and lost aren’t the deciding factors in concluding saying “the—–earth——has—–a——fever” is a scam to enrich new “green titans” who will profit by putting the “grey guys” out of business. At least that WAS the plan before the wheels rolled off the bus…

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