Author: Tom Purcell
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Ban the Burger Month
May is “National Hamburger Month,” an annual “tradition” that began 18 years ago when White Castle, purveyor of small, tasty, high-calorie burgers, initiated it. It should be “Ban the Burger Month” instead. It figures that a capitalistic organization would promote such a thing. According to about.com, White Castle, in 1921, was the first to introduce…
Categories: Columns
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Hey, Big Spenders
I don’t know who they are, but I’ve got to hand it to them. I’m too cynical to do what they do. I speak of the Americans who, every year, donate money to pay down America’s national debt.
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For Mother’s Day – Spreading the Art of Laughter
I handed my debit card to the owner of a barbecue restaurant. He saw my name on the card. “Is your mother’s name Elizabeth?” he asked. When I nodded, he burst out laughing. And then proceeded to confess to a prank, motivated by my mother, that he’d pulled on my family 30 years ago. My…
Categories: Columns
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Food Stamps for College Kids
Let them eat baked potatoes. Maybe I better explain. I came across an interesting article at The Daily Caller Web site: more college kids are qualifying for food stamps. Whereas government-funded grub has long been available to the working poor, the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA), through its Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), is eagerly…
Categories: Columns
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Pledge of Allegiance Revised
“Billy Johnson, stand at the head of the class. I want you to help us conduct an exercise on the Pledge of Allegiance.” “Yes, Ms. Smith.” “Billy, last week the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that it is constitutional to use the phrase ‘one nation under God’ in the pledge. Did you know…
Categories: Columns
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Enough Chirping
I hate birds when they chirp. It’s the government’s fault. I am sitting by an open door, with a nice spring breeze, the sun shining, the birds chirping. But I cannot enjoy this beautiful day. I am surrounded by a sea of receipts, you see — receipts of every kind. I keep every receipt for…
Categories: Columns
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Springtime in Washington
Ah, springtime has arrived in Washington, D.C. The National Cherry Blossom Festival is under way. The cherry trees, 3,700 of them given to America by the Japanese in 1912, are in full bloom. It reminds me why Americans are so wary of Washington. In the spring of 1999, you see, some culprits had been chopping…
Categories: Columns
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Tan & Tax
My family and I are taking the new tax personally. One of the many items tucked into the government overhaul of America’s health care system is a 10 percent sales tax on tanning salons. According to The Wall Street Journal, the tan tax was added so that the Botox tax could be removed. As it…
Categories: Columns
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Census 101
“I’m a busy person. Why do I have to fill out this U.S. Census form anyhow?” “The U.S. Constitution says that every 10 years, the federal government must count every resident in the United States. It sounds simple, but what it really comes down to is politics and money.” “How does it involve politics?” “There…
Categories: Columns
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Why We Need More Irish Spirit
Their slogan wasn’t “Irish need not apply.” It was worse. I speak of a battle I witnessed in Old Town, Alexandria, Va., a decade ago — a battle that involved a popular Irish pub, Pat Troy’s Ireland’s Own, and a condo association. A new landlord purchased the building in which Troy’s pub had resided for…
Categories: Columns
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